Inspired by others speaking out, an acro parent has written to me with a guest blog that reveals the true nature of Acrobatic Gymnastics:
“I’m hearing terrible stories about Acro gymnastics. You’re not hearing them because people are terrified (literally) to speak out, even anonymously. They say acro is so toxic, ‘incestuous’ and cult-like that they feel certain they will be identified. Should any acro gymnasts or parents wish to speak out…..and if you wish to post a guest blog…” Twitter, August 2020.
“I think because the acro world is smaller, and everyone knows everyone, they are even more frightened than WAG & MAG to speak out in case they are identified”. Twitter, August 2020.
I am the parent of a former elite competitive acrobat. I recognise what’s described above so well that it took my breath away reading it. We left acrobatics some years ago but there is a legacy of issues from the abuse my child endured, that remains to this day. It has affected my child most obviously but also our family and friends so powerfully it feels utterly gut wrenching each time it is re-visited. And detailing the abuse would take a while and another blog to list them all. So just to say that if you’ve read the excerpts of gymnasts & parents from all disciplines and across the world through the #Gymnastalliance movement describing physical and emotional abuse – well, the list from the acro world will be familiar: the body shaming, excessive weighing & recording of weight, the forced stretching, the mismanagement of injuries, the training on serious injury and through illness, the encouragement to set aside school studies, the long hours, overtraining, lack of rest or downtime/offloading of training when required, the favouritism, the haranguing, the belittling, the demeaning, the explosions of violent temper etc.
What I’d like to try and address in this piece is the culture in Acro, with specific reference to the 4 descriptions used by the tweeter above – toxic, incestuous, cult-like and it being a small world. It is indeed all of these things, and goes a long way in explaining the reticence of those in acro to speak out.
Toxicity
A case in point from recent memory is the press, media and social-media coverage on the Neil Griffiths case over the years but which started in 2014. There are various links to the case in the local & national press from the time. As Warriors in Leotards has recently highlighted, the narrative seemed to be dictated by the coach himself with help from a funded campaign by supporters and possibly assisted by a/his(?) legal team or PR firm. Faced with a coach being able to access broadsheets, tabloids, BBC radio, local news to spin their version – what hope for anyone thinking of raising their head above the parapet and coming forward now with an acro complaint, even as part of a larger movement now encompassing gymnastics generally? As Warriors in Leotards went on to muse, the vitriol and what seemed like an organised ‘campaign of hate’ by the coach’s supporters was bewildering to watch. Like Warriors in Leotards, I too can only try and imagine what those complainants & their families endured then, and probably still endure to this day having been labelled as bitter, resentful and disaffected.
As is evident now through #gymnastalliance, what is interesting is that back then, many of this coach’s supporters conflated their ‘good’ experience with a lack of understanding that ‘bad’ things might have happened to those particular gymnasts. I know from experience it is perfectly possible for both to exist at the same time. My child was successful. The club was successful. There were good times. My child was also emotionally abused and the environment was toxic.
These types of Acro supporters are still prominent and vociferous on social media in 2020. Their naysaying as apologists for abuse under the guise of ‘tough training’ really does not engender confidence in those like me wanting to come forward now. It was a toxic world in Acro when my child was competing. It still feels that way now.
Incestuousness
Acro clubs across the country were and still are dominated by family alliances working closely together – spouses, partners, siblings, parents, cousins are all in prominent directorship, owning, coaching, judging, welfare & technical-committee roles within the discipline, sometimes within the same club. I know that this is not unusual in these days of networking – and it’s difficult to explain – but it felt decidedly like trying to break through the shackles of affiliations binding each to each other. Back in the day, it was difficult to know who to trust with a concern or complaint. Not a lot has changed from what I can see. If anything positions look even more entrenched. So why would current acrobats or their parents come forward now?
A recent influential former acrobat posted about their loyalty and allegiance to their former coaches, describing them as like ‘family’ and having been ‘raised’ by them. It would have struck a chord with many gymnasts who have been defined from a young age by their sport and who have invested so much of themselves emotionally, financially and time-wise into acrobatics that they see coaching staff as their family. If you didn’t know any better you’d think the aforementioned post was a challenge to anyone breaking the Acro-Mafia omertà of silence. It got shared as such, with dissenting voices firmly shut down.
In addition, many acrobats are introduced to Cirque du Soleil or other entertainment career opportunities by their coaching family. In some cases acrobats owe their adult careers to their former coaches perhaps being taken on as a next generation of young coaches at the club or being mentored by their old coaches in neighbouring areas.
It is such a complex area – asking these people to separate out their loyalties.
When one tries to raise a concern or challenge an individual coach’s behaviour, word gets out and suddenly it feels like you are taking on ALL of GB Acro with this extensive network of affiliations and loyalty coming in to play. It is truly astounding and somewhat scary.
Cult-like
Coach demanded unquestioning commitment to their methods. They were couched of course as tough training. Which it oft times was. It could also be abusive. Coach didn’t like the acrobats or parents thinking for themselves. It was easy whilst the gymnasts were children. It became more problematic the older they got. It was as though my child’s world was shrinking and being made smaller at just the time of their life when actually the world should have been their oyster. Parents were being sidelined & described as obstructive to ambitions, it was suggested that school work be set aside, school subjects be dropped, my child’s outside friendship group shrank substantially and soon my child became reliant on the acro bubble to meet all their needs.
My child is now an adult. And space, distance & time from the ‘bubble’ of acro has afforded them some clarity to recognise that what they endured was emotional abuse. But at the time, Coach was considered God-like, and yes, adored & loved by my child. To help my child manage and separate out these conflicting feelings has been a huge poison in our relationship. And I do liken it to escaping the grip of a cult. It is an ongoing battle with feelings of guilt & shame (in both of us) at being so successfully groomed that we still are not coming forward to openly report and are reduced to anonymous blogging. For my child, the negative experience they had and the behaviours of Coach are a huge elephant in the room that is not discussed even when they are amongst gym friends. Apparently, It is just not worth ‘going there’ they tell me as it would sour the friendship, tarnish the memories and spoil the triumphs. When I learnt this I found it truly heartbreaking. My child recognises that having left the sport, these people have no ‘actual’ power over them anymore – except, in their mind, they do. Still.
It’s a small world….and other stuff.
Common to all gymnastics disciplines is the power imbalance between coach & gymnast (invariably adult & child). At the young ages they train at, it is rare for there to exist a collaborative constructive relationship between the two, no matter how mature the child. That relationship is instead forged between coach & parent. I understand there’s a common saying amongst coaches that the job would be good ‘if it wasn’t for the parents!’ In our case, Coach not only had favourites amongst the acrobats but also amongst parents, depending on how useful they may be to Coach or the cause. It set parents against each other and led to divisions. As a parent I was regularly undermined by Coach which set child against parent too. As mentioned above, our relationship has taken us a great deal of rescuing once we left the sport. And I think it goes a long way to explaining why it is difficult for my child & I to agree the way forward regarding the matter of (hopefully jointly) reporting Coach’s damaging behaviours.
The culture was most definitely a toxic one. It exists to this day in the various Acro ‘factions’ that exist, that make speaking out so problematic. I have for example been made aware of Coach exerting influence over long retired former acrobats and their families by ringing around to determine where loyalties lie. And this coach is not the only coach doing this apparently. You think you’ve escaped. In fact your world feels quite small.
To add to the mix, acro is a partnership sport. Partnership, not team sport. Younger, smaller more immature gymnasts are ‘tops’ in working partnerships with a small number of older, bigger, more experienced and more mature children or young adults as bases. Some, though of course not all, became almost ‘henchmen’ of Coach. Like the school playground my child was aware of fagging (no other word for it, I’m sorry) occurring. That is, a pecking order of bullying, control and coercion by older acrobats both within and across partnerships in the squad that, if not encouraged, was not exactly discouraged by Coach as it suited Coach’s way of working where what happened in the gym stayed within the gym. (I should say at this stage as you will probably by now guess, that there was NO WATCHING permitted!) At a basic level for my child, out of misplaced loyalty to the partnership, they did not reveal certain low-level incidents of emotional abuse for fear the partnership would be broken up, partners feel let-down and ambitions abandoned. On a higher level, it meant that when serious incidents of abuse occurred or were witnessed, my child describes they and the whole squad as metaphorically parking these incidents elsewhere in their consciousness, and just feeling ridiculously relieved that it wasn’t them – this time. That and my child feels there were times when they were encouraged by Coach to engage in behaviours they now know to be abusive (like openly ridiculing a move or technique, a body shaming comment or hold a friend whilst they were inappropriately touched by Coach). As a result of this my child feels they were as equally to blame, colluded in behaviours or made things worse by their silence at the time. And on bad days, feels shamed into ‘forever’ silence.
The uniqueness of incidents of abuse & their settings and timings could identify my child, their club and their coach. There aren’t THAT many Acro squads in the country. As the original tweeter suggested and I’ve tried to explain, it is indeed a small world with a particularly toxic culture. As my child hasn’t yet reconciled all these complex feelings, sees no one else from Acro coming forward publicly and has not yet given me permission to report Coach or club, I am stuck feeling pretty impotent to effect any change. To the outside world my child is considered as having had a very successful career. But they also left the sport broken. I’m anonymously blogging to say that harm was caused to my child by the damaging behaviours of a coach and it was an Acro coach.
#gymnastalliance
If you have been affected by or witnessed maltreatment in the gymnastics setting you can speak to a trained NSPCC counsellor on 0800 056 0566.
If you would like your story to be shared on this blog please email blog@innermagic.co.uk