G Gymnast@g_gymnast on Twitter has bravely spoken out, she says “Writing down some of my story feels like a weight has been lifted, I had no idea. The gymnastics community truly is supportive and I myself can’t thank you enough. If any others feel like they need to talk to someone with similar experiences please DM me” #GymnastAlliance
Here is her heartbreaking story:
I moved to a new club when I was around 11 years old because their training schedule meant that I no longer had to miss school to train. The club was suggested to me by the national coach, she believed it would be a good fit for me and there was a group that I could join easily. I began with one of my favourite ever coaches, we got along great and she knew how to get the best out of me. Unfortunately she had to have major back surgery so it was decided that myself and another from her group were to join the other advanced/elite group. Even then I had heard rumours about this coach but she had always been so nice towards me that I assumed they were just made up stories. Little did I know!
The coach was always so lovely, kind and sweet to every gymnast she ever came across apart from those that were hers. Eventually when I started speaking up about what was happening the replies were always the same. ‘You must be a nightmare because she’s so nice!’ ‘Why are you lying, she’s the nicest coach there is’. ‘She’s so kind to me, stop making up stories’ and the list goes on. This was all a part of her game. If she was the nicest and kindest to everyone else, no one would believe the real truth if we were to ever share it.
The best way I can describe our conditioning is cruel torture. She would love it when we were all crying in agony. If one of us were to miss a count we would all have to repeat the exercise. This would go on for hours until we were all able to make it through without fail. Some if not most would be sent home during this time and called weak and failures because they couldn’t keep up. It was constant embarrassment and humiliation if you were the one to stop ‘so and so hasn’t stopped and she’s younger than you’ ‘look how much of a baby you are being, you are embarrassing yourself in front of the younger gymnasts’ and so on. I remember being sent to join in with the 5/6 year olds because I couldn’t keep up with our conditioning so I needed to be in a group where I belonged. If I was going to act like a baby I will be treated like a baby.
I would be made to throw untrained skills and when I would admit that I was scared I would be made fun of. If I was not doing exactly as she wanted I would get sent home from training. At times I would be sent home during warm up for a range of different reasons that were all ridiculous. When being sent home we were forced to go to the ‘office’ which was a tiny cupboard with a phone, a small desk and cleaning equipment. I would have to call my mum myself to tell her that she had to come and get me because I had been sent home again. Many occasions my mother hadn’t arrived back home before she had to come and get me. The coach would then text my mum explaining why I had been sent out which mostly were lies or she had majorly exaggerated the truth. Most of the issues always came down to my ‘attitude problem’ so I would then get shouted at by my mother for being disrespectful, rude etc. Many times I would be in the ‘office’ sobbing because I did not want to call my mum to come and get me or to delay it as much as possible so that she at least got home before having to leave again. The coach would scream in my face to call my mum and when I wouldn’t she would close the door on me because my crying was distracting the others. At times I would be in that ‘office’ on my own crying for hours, she would then give up and call my mum for me where I would then beg and plead for her not to. Other occasions I would be so terrified to do skills that I would just freeze. There was one time that I stood on beam in the same position for close to 2 hours trying to convince myself to go for the skill. She eventually asked me if I was going to do it to which I asked if I could get spot or do it on a lower beams first and I was pulled off the beam and shoved into the office to call my mum and go home.
I was told multiple times a day for over a year that I needed to be more like another gymnast in our group because everyone loved her and everyone hated me. She was celebrated if she ever beat me in a competition where I was told that my wins weren’t deserved because I was a horrible person, I was lazy, rude, disrespectful and had the worst attitude in the world. She would rarely beat me in competitions but when she did, even if it was only on once piece/event I would leave the competition as quickly as possible and would dream training the nest day because I knew the whole session would be dedicated to praising and celebrating her and belittling and embarrassing me.
How it was seen by me was that I was winning competitions, I was the strongest I had ever been and I was excelling and achieving my dreams therefore how I was being treated was worth it.
I was the oldest in our group by a few months so I unintentionally took it upon myself to protect and look after the others in the group. I would slow down so the others wouldn’t stand out as being too slow. I would purposely fail so that someone wouldn’t be suffering alone. This consequently landed me in more trouble and therefore receiving more abuse. This protector role caused me so much more damage as I would constantly feel guilty that others were being punished. Eventually when I found my voice and started standing up for myself and the others the screaming matches began. But I felt as though I was protecting the others so what did it matter that I had a grown woman screaming in my face and being punished with 6 hour long sessions of conditioning, my gym family was a little safer. My mental health took a nose dive when eventually I decided to move from the club. I felt as though I was abandoning those I had tried so hard to protect. I had failed to do my job and now they were going to suffer because of my selfishness. The others only took a couple more weeks to leave after I had but the feeling of letting those girls down and not doing my job of protecting them still causes me pain and issues to this day.
We made many trips during my time there but the one that will always stick with me was our trip to Florida to compete. I was put into level 9 where all the rest were in level 7, 6 and 5. I was used to competing on my own so it didn’t bother me. There was a club from USA that was competing the same time as me and they were clearly in the wrong level. But no matter how they competed the coaches and teammates were so happy and cheering for each other. My coach caught be watching them and jokingly asked if I wished she was more like that. I automatically said yes. That’s where it all went downhill. When waiting to complete on beam my coach noticed that others on my group were doing more advanced dismounts than I was. She told me that I had to do the same dismount as they were. Never in my life had I trained that dismount and she was asking me to do it for the first time in a competition. I was told that if I didn’t I would be in so much trouble. I ended up falling on a skill because I was so worried about what I was going to do as a dismount. I ended up sticking to the one I actually knew how to do. After the routine she dragged me under the stands where the rest of my teammates and the adults that came with us were watching and imitated the coaches from the USA gym by clapping and cheering over the top in my face at my awful performance. That was my tipping point. I ended up placing on every piece except for beam and was vault champion. The rest of the trip was filled with ridiculous conditioning, some trips to the parks and eating the bare minimum in my case. One day I was sent back to the villa because I was being ‘lazy’ when conditioning. I had multiple overuse injuries and we were conditioning on concrete so I was in pain. I then had to find my own way back to the villa with no adult supervision. I was 13 and in a different country. I did find my way back eventually. One of our final destinations was a shopping trip and we split into small groups. My training group was with my coach except for me, I was out with the lower level kids but it didn’t bother me. We were warned that just because we were able to explore I was not aloud to buy any food and the others on my group had to report back to my coach if I did. My group offered me bites of their cookies etc that they bought but I refused to avoid punishment. I was later told that my coach went and bought everyone who was with her ice cream as a treat. I starved myself and she fed them. It broke my heart.
She turned every adult in my life against me including my parents, coaches at my gym, coaches at other gyms and even national staff. I was made to believe that I was a nightmare, a burden, the hardest person to coach and eventually uncoachable and a waste of space. This made telling the truth so just harder because no one would believe the horrible gymnasts that was a nightmare to coach. One thing that turned the light bulb on for my mum was school reports stating how I was opinionated, heard headed and stubborn (which I am) but that I would always state my case with respect and politeness. I was a pleasure to have in the class, always so happy and bright. Willing to help others even if it meant that I couldn’t progress. School was describing one child which gymnastics was describing the opposite.
There were many adults who were present during everything that happened in the gym and none spoke up. Some would be seeing this daily and said nothing. I like to believe that this was over fear of what my coach would do/say to them and not because they just chose to ignore it. One of these adults who was present at times was the club’s welfare officer, she even came on the Florida trip and witnessed most of what happened. Nothing was ever done! Eventually I came clean about some stuff to my mum and we went to the club welfare officer, against my pleas, with our issues. My mum knew a fraction of the whole story but even that was bad enough for her to speak up and take action. From what I can remember about that conversation the bottom line was that the welfare officer wasn’t going to do anything about what was happening so we began making plans to move to another club. This was made more difficult with the fake rumours that has been spread about me by the coach but eventually we found a club that was happy to have me as some of the coaches there remembered me from years back. That moved changed me life for the better!
This is the most I have ever shared on my experience. I have shared some stories with my mother of my time there but she doesn’t truly know the full story of everything that happened. She felt so much guilt for believing every word that my coach told her about me that I don’t want to burden her further with the full truth. My best friends who I love so much and trust them with my life also don’t know my experiences. Some were in my life throughout this whole thing and I never confided in them or shared what was happening. I dealt with this whole thing on my own and have dealt with the consequences since alone too.