Gymnastics starts early. Often children start a gymnastics class before they even start school. If the child shows promise, the hours increase. Gymnastics becomes as much a part of life as school, sleeping and eating. Unfortunately, in too many gyms, both child and parent are slowly but surely groomed; inculcated into a culture of abuse and compliance. In our case the abuse lasted several years but finally, as the bullying of my children intensified, I tried desperately, finally, to regain some sense of perspective. At that time I was fortunate to come across the work of Dr. Alan Goldberg. His list of characteristics of an abusive coach was a revelation. His article was entitled “Coaching Abuse: The Dirty, Not-So-Little Secret In Sports”
Dr. Goldberg asserted that the abusive coach fit any number of the following characteristics:
- Regularly uses public embarrassment and humiliation on his/her athletes
- Is disinterested in the feelings and sensitivities of his/her players
- Rarely uses praise or positive feedback
- Is a yeller
- Demeans his/her players
- Plays “head games” with his/her athletes
- Is personally dishonest and untrustworthy
- Creates a team environment based on fear and devoid of safety
- Is never satisfied with what his/her athletes do.
- Is overly negative and a pro at catching athletes doing things wrong
- Is more interested in his/her needs then those of his/her players
- Over-emphasizes the importance of winning
- Tends to be rigid and over-controlling, defensive and angry
- Is not open to constructive feedback from players or other parents
- Uses excessive conditioning as punishment
- Can be physically abusive
- Ignores his/her athletes when angry or displeased
- Is a bully (and therefore a real coward)
- Coaches through fear and intimidation
- Is a “know-it-all”
- Is a poor communicator
- Only cares about his/her athletes as performers, not as individuals
- Consistently leaves his/her athletes feeling badly about themselves
- Kills his/her athletes’ joy and enthusiasm for the sport
- Is a bad role model
- Is emotionally unstable and insecure
- Earns contempt from players and parents
- Coaches through guilt
- Is a master of denial
He went on to say:
A coach doesn’t have to be guilty of all of these behaviours to be an abusive coach. In fact, regularly engaging in a select two or three of these is enough to qualify a coach for abuser status. Unfortunately, most coaches who engage in abuse also refuse to take an honest look at themselves. Because of a well-honed sense of denial, they would never admit to themselves or others that they might be doing something wrong. In fact, the abusive coach sees him/herself as a very good coach!
The revelation to me was the fact that my children’s coaches fit every single one of these criteria. I still remember clandestinely going through the list with two fellow gym-mums (we met secretly around the corner from the gym) our jaws dropping at how perfectly the list described them. I withdrew my children the next day.
I post this here in case you find it helpful. I even included this list in my futile complaint to British Gymnastics (the whole complaint illustrated each and every point). Sadly, it is clear that Dr Goldberg didn’t make an impression on them, however, if like I me, you are just trying to regain some perspective on right and wrong in coaching, just remember, if but two or three of these characteristics are a regular part of your child’s experience, get them out.
Click here to read Dr Goldberg’s full article.